I’m sure many of you grow weary of hearing me preach about domestic violence. My opinion is that you haven’t heard half of what I have to say about this epidemic. My interest lies with our children, our future. Let’s face it - the domestic violence epidemic has attached itself to our future. Why? I’m so very glad you asked.
We, the adults, the parents, the teachers, the school system, law enforcement – we - simply have not addressed it’s affect on us (all) effectively and are now staring right at this problem as it infects our sons and daughters. We have failed to bring awareness and therapy needed to eliminate this poisonous plaque from our existence. We have failed to teach value and self worth to our daughters and we have failed to rehabilitate and encourage our sons. Young women are missing the point that they deserve better. While young men are missing the point that they can be better.
It’s not secret to anyone that we have for years done all we can to help the victims of domestic violence, after they’ve been abused. We offer them a place to stay; childcare for their children; therapy. We recognize that we must help save the lives of these victims. We need to do more of this, but we have recognized the need. However, one could argue that society has not yet accepted its responsibility to the young man who has committed an act such as abuse of a loved one.
I know it’s hard to see pass the surface which is - the man is the abuser. He physically overcame a female, a treasure, a physically weaker being. He’s wrong. He should be punished. He’s a terrible person. He should be thrown in jail and never seen or heard from again.
Really?
As a woman, I say that’s a ridiculous notion. No one wins in an abusive situation, but suppose the young man is an honor roll student who has been working two jobs to support his mother and four siblings, or a mother on disability, struck by a terminal illness. He has an argument over – let’s say the keys or dinner not being prepared – the same day he finds out that he has just been fired from one of his two necessary jobs, rents due and he’s broke. The argument leads to physical abuse. To some of you readers, this may seem far fetched, but I guarantee you this story is real to more people than you think. Does he deserve to go to prison or rehabilitation?
Is his life worth saving?
There is obviously no excuse for a man to put his hands on any woman. We all must know this – men and women alike. There is no exception. What happens after that, though, is a matter of failure or success. We must offer our children the best chance at a productive time on this earth during their life’s journey. It’s up to us to pick them up when they fall. Reminding them that we believe in their ability to “do better” and then contribute to others doing better, would make an excellent starting point.
We understand that sometimes jail is exactly where an abuser belongs. However, there are other situations that warrant help, intervention and therapy. We can’t continue picking and choosing who we should save and who needs our help. They both need our help – the abuser and the victim. They are one in the same. One could argue that a man who is allowed by his female partner to continue attacking her is being abused. For he is displaying the typical “act out” that people with mental challenges always display. If he is permitted to continue this behavior then is he not too being abused? He is certainly not being helped. Neither is she. No one wins; we all loose.
We are doing quite a bit of crying over lost loved ones. There needs to be a more proactive approach to this to include preventive measures. We have a responsibility to our children, all of our children. We can not throw away young men who make mistakes and remove them from society without the opportunity for improvement; regardless of race. We can’t turn our backs on them without giving them the chance to reach out to another man who may be doing or feeling the same way. We need to put just as much emphasis on teaching self worth and pride as we do on saving the victim after an incident threatens her life. We must rebuild the connection with our children and assist in building confidence in them.
Our daughters should not be wondering if they deserve more. They should not sacrifice their lives, their bodies, and their future for the idea of love.
We need to inspire the good and the strengths in men who have committed this act – the non-habitual offender who doesn’t demonstrate a pattern of abuse, so that we are not giving up on our children who shall oversee our future.
Our society has the funny way of picking and choosing what we care about and what we don’t. If our children are the future and we can all agree to that, then we are the present. We are the ones who must shape these children so that our future illuminates as we all pray that it will. We simply can not do that by electing to only correct half of the issue. If the problem is domestic violence, then the answer is in the manner by which we approach healing. Healing must be offered to both parties. We must reprogram mind states. We’ve determined the need to be there for a woman who has been abused. We must now implement plans to be there for the young man who has committed abuse.
